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I’ve always grouped The Lockhorns and Andy Capp together in my mind. Both cartoons were found in my local funny pages growing up, though I didn’t have much interest in either of them. And they both seemed to address the trials and tribulations of married life and middle-age, two topics that I found less intriguing than, say, the exploits of a young boy and his stuffed tiger. But now, at the advanced age of 47 and with access to something called “Wikipedia”, I realize that there are some significant differences between the two comics. While both seem to portray the grimmer side of marriage, the Lockhorns’ brand of disharmony seems much more innocent compared to their British counterparts. That is to say, Andy Capp is dark, y’all. Sure, Leon Lockhorn occasionally stays at the pub too late on a weeknight. But Andy Capp is what we’d call a “problem drinker” in today’s parlance (emphasis on “problem”. And emphasis on “drinker”. Emphasis on both, I guess.) And the behaviors that stem from his alcoholism are appalling. At the risk of merely re-publishing an entire Wiki entry, please allow me to ruin your weekend with this ugly block quote: “Andy's hobbies include pigeon racing, darts, snooker, playing football (which always involves fights with the other players, and frequently ends with Andy being sent off)...betting on horses (and usually losing badly), getting drunk in the local pub (often falling into the canal and being fished out by a constable, and usually arriving home late as a result), ending up in the local gaol…unsuccessfully mooching money from everyone for beer, unsuccessfully flirting with barmaids (also yelling at them when he is not served), attempting to pick up bargirls (and usually being rejected, although sometimes he is actually successful), loafing and napping on the sofa, playing poker (and usually cheating with hidden cards, although plainly seen by the readers), and fighting with his long-suffering wife Florrie.” Say what you will about Leon Lockhorn, I don’t think he’s ever been unfaithful to Loretta. In fact, I would argue that their constant barbs and insults towards one another are a sort of love language…a way of showing that, deep down, they truly care for each other. Heck, they even go to couples therapy sometimes! That’s more than I can say for a lot of couples I know. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Hägar and Helga.) Meanwhile, Andy Capp is out there philandering and abusing the wait staff at his local bar and sexually harassing women who are not interested in his pathetic exploits. For shame, Andrew Capp! You bring ignominy upon our shared name and upon the honorable game of darts. So, anyway, to answer your question, that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. What about you? Next week on the show, Luke and I will continue to court the younger demographic with a deep-dive on The Honeymooners and the off-screen antics of Gene Autry. Talk to you then! -- Andrew
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