A hero can be many things. A hero can be brave. A hero can be selfless. A hero can even be, depending on your preferred definition, a delicious sandwich with multiple meats piled high with veggies and served with mayo and mustard on a hoagie roll. 

One thing a hero is not, however, is a type of bread.

Hi, folks. Andrew, here, from TBTL. And if you are a regular participant in the New York Times Connections puzzle, you might already know why I’m bringing this up. 

If you’re unfamiliar with Connections, let me explain how it works. 

A player is shown a grid of 16 squares with a different word in each square. You have to identify how the words can be organized into groups. For example, if four of the words are RING, CLOWN, TRAPEZE, and TENT, you might realize that they are all things that you find at a circus. But be careful! Another group of words might be MIME, JOKER, and JESTER, and you might be tempted to group CLOWN with those words instead. You have to figure out how all 16 words fit perfectly into four groups of four. 

Me and my friends have been playing Connections ever since the Times debuted the game last summer. It immediately became a fun supplement to our Wordle addiction, and we share our scores with each other every day. At least we used to, until my boycott began earlier this week. 

You see, Connections is created by humans, and humans are subjective. And failable. And, as is the case with the Connections writers, diabolically disingenuous. As the game has evolved, it has not just become more difficult, but utterly enraging at times. 

I am far from the only person who feels this way. The internet has collectively spilled gallons of virtual ink on posts mocking and deriding the game. My favorite viral video shows someone pretending to be a puzzlemaker saying, “Oh, sorry, you lost again? The categories were SHAPES, THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO SPELL, MY FAVORITE MOVIES and THINGS THAT RHYME WITH KARATE IF YOU PRONOUNCE THEM INCORRECTLY. Try again tomorrow, stupid.” 

As that TikToker suggests, it’s hard to not take these puzzles personally. Which leads us to  Tuesdays’ puzzle. Here it is:

Obviously, spoiler alerts for anyone who is somehow saving these puzzles to complete later. Because I’m about to reveal the answers:

CHOPS, KISSER, TRAP, and YAP all fit into the group “Words that are slang for mouth.” 

BOB, CLAP, SNAP, and TAP are all “Ways to keep rhythm with music.” (Weird, but okay, I guess.) 

APPLAUSE, DRINKS, FUNDING, and GOLF were considered “Things you can have a round of.” (Tough, but fair I guess.) 

And finally, the category that has me swearing-off Connections forever:

BUN, ROLL, HERO, and WRAP were “Deli bread options.”

I will restate my thesis: A hero can be many things, but it certainly isn’t a type of bread. It’s a type of sandwich. A whole bunch of ingredients go into a sandwich to make it a hero sandwich, including a hoagie roll. Some people might even refer to a hoagie roll as a “hero roll”, though I’ve never personally heard that. But it’s still a ROLL, which was already one of the other words in the category.

(I know that a “wrap” is also a style of sandwich, but it’s also a stand-alone bread product I can buy at the store, along with hoagie rolls, hot dog buns, and pumpernickel bread. If I go to the store to buy a “hero” or a “sub”, I’m leaving with a whole sandwich.) 

There are a lot of Connections fans out there, and I am concerned that I will receive many replies to this newsletter filled with tortured logic in defense of the New York Times’ on this matter. But please understand that I have no intention of keeping an open mind about this. I am angry, and for that, I am out. 

Listen, I may be a provincial goy raised in the farmlands of Ohio, but I’ve been to my fair share of delis in my day. And I promise you, never once has an overworked diner waitress with a sharp tongue and tired eyes pulled a pen out of her hair and asked her customer, “So, what kind of bread do you want, hun? White, wheat, rye or hero?” 

Okay, rant over for now. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. If you’re wondering why I felt like this was appropriate content for a TBTL newsletter, the best answer I got is “I meant to tell Luke about this on Wednesday’s show, but I forgot.” So at least I didn’t ruin the podcast with this drivel!

I do hope you all have a wonderful weekend, filled with all kinds of sandwiches and carbs in general. Luke and I will talk to you on Monday! 

-- Andrew

PS -- While the grapes I spilled today are inarguably sour, please know that these aren’t the ravings of a sore loser. I actually did well on Tuesday’s puzzle. I just didn’t like it.

Hey Dummies

Ten Of The Week

What’s your name and where do you live? 
Carolyn Oliver Haushalter. Pennsylvania. 

When did you start listening to TBTL? How did you find the show?
I started listening to TBTL when I was laid off from a job in 2015. At the time, Awesome Etiquette was a show on APM, and they had a really good ad for the show. It sounded like a good companion while I was job hunting and then it stuck.

How would your friends describe you?
Realistic, supportive, and empathetic.

What was your favorite cereal when you were a kid?Is it still your fav? 
Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, and yes it’s still my fav. I don't eat cereal much anymore, but I get a box once a year or so.

What food do you love to eat the most of?
Grocery store taco kits with ground beef. They are a comfort food at the base, but I mix it up with lots of different things now -- Mom would never have served arugula! -- to make them more adult-ish. There's something about those crunchy taco shells straight out of the oven that I like.

What’s the best or worst nickname you ever had?
I've never really attracted any sort of nickname. I'm also one of those people who does not like having my name mispronounced or shortened. Luke actually gets it right every year and I'm grateful for that.

If you could play one song on TBTL, what would it be?
Midnight Sun by Duran Duran. It doesn't sound like any of their other music and is delightfully haunting.

What’s a special skill you have that you’re most proud of?
I am a hobbyist jewelry maker, and my specialty is kumihimo, the art of Japanese braid making. In addition to making, I'm also an instructor who has studied and taught all over the world. I was lucky enough to have my video demonstrating kumihimo in the TBTL Talent Show.

What’s a special skill that you *wish* you had?
I wish I was better at hiding my emotions but you can always see what I'm feeling on my face.

If you were driving down the street and you saw Luke and Andrew on the sidewalk, what would you yell at them as you drove past?
Hello! Thanks for the show!

Can other Tens find you on social media? 
I'm on Facebook as Carolyn Haushalter and I do use the sTens page. I have a presence on other sites, including the TBTL Slack, but I hardly check any of those.

Hey, it’s Andrew here again. Just a reminder that you can find ourTen of the Week form here! If you’ve never been a TOTW before  (or if it’s been a really, really long time) fill out our little questionnaire. And check out ourTen of the Week archive here!

This Week On TBTL

#4199 Napa No How, No Way

Monday, May 6

Andrew finds himself again thrown into a war over his garbage bins. And this time, he’s ready. Meanwhile, outside Napa, Luke finds himself in a weird prison of his own making. 

#4200 Baby Reindeer Games

Tuesday, May 7

Andrew did something wild and unusual last night: He watched a buzzy TV show! He and Luke also discuss Jerry Seinfeld’s claim that there isn’t anything funny on television anymore. And Luke went to see The Fall Guy this weekend and has some notes on the theater-going experience. 

#4201 The Moderate Dumper

Wednesday, May 8

Luke had a touching moment with one of his neighbors this morning, and it really moved him. Meanwhile, Andrew’s been having some interesting moments of his own on the city bus. And we have a much-needed update on the TBTL Junior Sluggers’ season. 

#4202 Andrew’s Bin Busy 

Thursday, May 9

Andrew is hoping to leverage the power of his local newspaper in his ongoing conflict with his garbage collectors. He and Luke also discuss a new iPad commercial, which is rankling people from Hugh Grant to Luke Burbank. 

#4203 To Halve And Halve Not

Friday, May 9

Andrew has some serious questions about radishes, and Luke has some answers. Plus, it turns out TBTL isn’t the only podcast that’s been putting people to sleep. Andrew and Luke look at a viral video from the 1990s that is now a #1 sleep aid. 

Music For Your Weekend

Laps in the Drugstore by Jess Cornerilius

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by En Vogue 

Try Again by Aaliyah