People often come up to me and say, “Hey Andrew! Why do you call portmanteaus ‘egg sandwiches?’” 

And I usually say, “Ah, that’s a story for another time.”

And that time is now. 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest installment of the TBTL newsletter. I hope this email finds you well.

The year was 2009. Or maybe it was 2004 or 2011. It doesn’t really matter too much. But it was a long time ago.

Genevieve and I were sitting at a table in a restaurant somewhere, trying to decide what to order for brunch. One option was an egg sandwich, only this particular establishment didn’t call it an “egg sandwich.” It was listed on the menu as an “eggwich.” 

“Eggwich?” I sneered in that ill-tempered way that makes me such an attractive dining companion. “What the hell’s an ‘eggwich’? Just call it an egg sandwich for chrissake.” 

“It’s a portmanteau!” Genevieve said, clearly much more open to the lighthearted wordplay. 

“A port-man-who?” 

“A portmanteau!” Genevieve, even at this early phase of our relationship, was accustomed to explaining words to me. 

“You know,” she said. “It’s when you take two words and smash them into one word, like ‘jeggings’ or ‘Bennifer’.” (This must have been the early 2000s.) 

“Oh,” I said, rolling the word around in my own mouth to see how it felt. “A portmanteau. Like…beefaroni?”

“I guess,” she said. “Or ‘liger’ -- a combination of lion and tiger.” (Napoleon Dynamite and its obsession with ligers still had a tight grip on the culture back then.) 

“Turducken!” I exclaimed.

“Glamping!” she exclaimed back. 

“Spanglish!” 

“Staycation!”

“JAZZERCISE!” 

“Are you doing…okay?” This was the waiter, who seemingly appeared out of thin air. I don’t know how long he was at our table or how loud I’d just shouted ‘jazzercise” to the rest of the brunch crowd.  

“Hey!” I said to him, still a notch or two too loudly. “‘Brunch’ is a portmanteau!” 

“I’m sorry?” he asked.

“I’ll just have the egg sandwich, please,” I said, handing him my menu. We left him a big tip at the end of the meal. 

And ever since that day, whenever Genevieve and I stumble across a portmanteau somewhere -- whether we’re driving down the road and we see a sign for “froyo” or if we’re at home and we catch a commercial for a Pizza Hut “Pizzonne” -- we both yell at each other, “HEY! IT’S AN EGG SANDWICH!” 

And that, dear readers, is why I refer to portmanteaus as “egg sandwiches.” 

For more scintillating egg-related conversation, I would direct you to Monday’s episode of TBTL entitled Eggers Can’t Be Choosers, which is barely a pun, let alone a portmanteau. 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with egg sandwiches (whichever kind you prefer.) Luke and I will talk to you Monday!

-- Andrew

What’s your name and where do you live? 
Jake Scheidel. Chicago, Illinois, BAY-BEE!!

When did you start listening to TBTL? How did you find the show?
Let me first say, I was already Ten of the Week several years ago but that was pre-COVID and I love attention AND filling out surveys so I'm happy to say again:

I graduated high school in 2009 and thusly got to choose that summer's family vacation. Naturally, I chose Seattle (because I was a cool 18 year-old). We had a great time and when we returned to Michigan, I was looking for new podcasts to listen to. The iTunes store (The ITUNES STORE!) recommended TBTL and I said "Hey, why not?" Then I learned they were from Seattle and I said "Hey, I was just there!" So, I kept listening (because I was a cool 18 year-old). It wasn't until years later when I learned they would have invited me into the studio had I been a listener but weeks earlier.

How would your friends describe you?
The chillest guy who's ever existed (NOT anxious or weird at all!)

What was your favorite cereal when you were a kid? Is it still your fav? 
Alpha-bits (I think they were called). If I remember correctly, they were little letters dusted in powdered sugar. My parents never wanted to get them for me, and I now understand why. I had diabetes then and I have diabetes now too.

What food do you love to eat the most of?
I could eat 50 eggs.

What’s the best or worst nickname you ever had?
My sister (and also now my niece and also now my wife) will occasionally call me "Jakey." I hated it as a teenager, but I'm charmed by it every time I hear it now.

If you could play one song on TBTL, what would it be?
I've been obsessed with Nissan Altima by Doechii recently, but it is absolutely not TBTL appropriate. The way she has such control over the song solely via her vocals. When the instrumentals all drop out and she keeps the beat just with her voice is incredible every time. Plus, her lyrics are very funny and she's only 26 years old which feels extremely young to me but I guess isn't THAT young idk whatever. It's a great song, great album.

What’s a special skill that you have?
I can run a pretty fun D&D game

What’s a skill you *wish* you had?
If I could network, I would be the most famous person in the world.

If you were driving down the street and you saw Luke and Andrew on the sidewalk, what would you yell at them as you drove past?
"I listen to the show!"

Can other Tens find you online? 
Please listen to MY podcast: Did You Watch Survivor Last Night?

Hey, it’s Andrew here again. Just a reminder that you can find our Ten of the Week form here! If you’ve never been a TOTW before  (or if it’s been a really, really long time) fill out our little questionnaire. And check out our Ten of the Week archive here!

#4389 Eggers Can’t Be Choosers
Monday, January 27
Luke went on a whale-watching adventure last week, and he has some notes for the tour guides of the world. He also needs a new phone, but if he gets one, he won’t be able to download TikTok! He and Andrew also talk about eggs a lot.

#4390 It’s Giving Marmaduke
Tuesday, January 28
Luke has a big update on the state of his old iPhone. Andrew is mad at himself for taking a walk. And Pete Carroll, the newly minted head coach of the Las Vegas Raiders, is “uncommonly consistent” in a press conference that is nothing but word salad.

#4391 Go Tree Frogs!
Wednesday, January 29
Andrew’s trip to the pet store yesterday leads to a conversation about the relative happiness of guinea pigs and lizards. He and Luke also have an update on the 11-year old kid who found a ridiculously valuable baseball card in a pack of Topps. 

#4392 Points On The Front End
Thursday, January 30
Luke believes he remembers a very specific scene from a Steve Martin movie that history has mostly forgotten. We check the tape to see how good his memory actually is. He and Andrew also discuss a fascinating story about how Astoria became the location for Kindergarten Cop.

#4393 A Real Kick In The Pence
Friday, January 31
Luke is caught in a battle of wills with the British government. He’s also trying to get Andrew to undergo a “regret-ectomy.”