I’m sorry. I know what you want me to write about today, but I just can’t do it. 

“But Andrew!” I hear your cries of protestation. “If we can’t turn to the TBTL weekly newsletter for a blow-by-blow breakdown of your emotional journey as you learned that your beloved Seattle Mariners fired their longtime manager and clubhouse father figure, Scott Servais, after nine seasons of semi-competitive but mostly frustrating baseball, where can we turn?” 

It’s a good question, dear reader, and maybe one I can address another day. But today’s newsletter cannot be dedicated to my local baseball club. Instead, we must focus on the other hot story of the day: Cabbage Patch Kids. 

Yes, apparently they still make them. Yes, the culture surrounding them is still (respectfully) as bonkers as ever. And yes, it turns out you can visit a place called “BabyLand General Hospital” to experience the full Cabbage Patch adoption experience, complete with a fancy waiting room, a large nursery, and an appropriately administrative looking adoption office where you can take care of all the birth certificate paperwork.  

From the Babyland General Hospital website

The reason I know all of this is because TBTL Friendo Cassie, whom you may remember from the Weak in Review video where she stood-up against loud sneezing, recently welcomed a new Cabbage Patch Kid into her own life. And she’s going to join us on the podcast next Friday to talk about what she’s learned about CPK parenting. 

Cassie has already sent me a list of official Cabbage Patch Kids names from the 80s and 90s, a list that is as mind-bogglingly long as it is mind-bogglingly…mind-boggling. And she sent me a fascinating Dazzling Detail™ about the Cabbage Patch Kid she grew up with, a story that I won’t ruin here (tune in on Friday, folks!) 

That’s why I wanted to reach out to you, the Tens of Listeners, to give you a chance to share your own Cabbage Patch stories. If you were a child of the 80s, like me, it’s likely the CPK craze affected you in some way. If you had a doll of your own, tell us their name and a little bit about them. Or maybe you always wanted a doll, but couldn’t have one. Maybe your friend or sibling had one, and you had some feelings about all that? Call our TBTL listener line at (206) 414-8285 or email me to share the dirt.  

As for me? Yes, I had a Cabbage Patch Doll, but I’m more than disappointed to report that I remember very little about him, other than his hair color (brown) and the fact that he came into my life right around the time I was (finally, slowly) phasing out of the prolonged stuffed-animal chapter of my childhood. We could have been best friends, if only we’d met at different times in our life. 

I’m really looking forward to Friday’s show, but make sure you tune-in Monday, too, for a brand new edition of TBTL in which my beloved Genevieve may just make an appearance of her own. 

Have a great weekend, everyone! We’ll talk to you next week. 

Andrew

Hey Dummies

Music For Your Weekend

Andrew’s Pick: A Country Dance by Joanna Sternberg

Last winter, I stumbled on the music of Joanna Sternberg and -- as some listeners may remember -- became immediately obsessed. Joanna is a songwriter and multi-instrumentalist with a truly unique voice and a penchant for writing desperately heartbreaking songs about self-doubt (among other things.) I was thrilled when I got to see Joanna perform a very intimate show at the Fremont Abbey in February. During the show, Joanna shared a new song that they wrote for an upcoming Jason Schwartzman film. (I remember Joanna said something about not being able to fill the tune with as much pathos as usual, because the studio wanted something more twee. I might have the details of that wrong.) ANYWAY, that new single dropped this week, and now we can all enjoy it along with the rest of Joanna’s catalog. Enjoy!

Listener Dave’s Pick: Rio’s Song by The Hard Quartet

Total honesty, I know nothing about this band, the only reason I even saw this video is it is filmed in my favorite NYC Bar the International House (née The Coal Yard) It is FULL of NYC East Village iconography and is based on the Rolling Stones "Waiting on a Friend,"  including the opening of both songs at 96–98 St. Mark's Place.  (Also the album cover for Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti.) That the song is an absolute banger is just a bonus!

Ten Of The Week

What’s your name and where do you live? 
LauraGrace Linsky. Raleigh, NC.

When did you start listening to TBTL? How did you find the show?
I started listening in 2010, the summer before 7th grade. My brother (an 8th grader) was a listener at the time. I would download the shows from his Apple library and burn them onto CDs!

How would your friends describe you?
My friends would describe me as an 80 year old grandma trapped inside the body of a mid-twenties gal - I like to craft, putter, and be in bed by 9.

What was your favorite cereal when you were a kid?Is it still your fav? 
Lucky Charms was and is my favorite. You just can’t be the flavor the marshmallows give the milk!

What food do you love to eat the most of?
I love sandwiches - any and all kinds. Except lobster rolls, they don’t like me.

What’s the best or worst nickname you ever had?
Worst? “LG Poner” An ill fated nickname I gave myself in the 4th grade while trying to sound cool to the older kids at summer camp. To add to the disaster, my cousin was also at camp and reminds me of this nickname to this day.

If you could play one song on TBTL, what would it be?
Vroom Vroom by Mickey Darling

What’s a special skill that you have?
I’m really good at turning cardboard into cool things - elaborate cat houses, paper mâché wall calendars, wreaths… you name it!

What’s a skill you *wish* you had?
I wish I could keep indoor plants alive - I love the idea of them, but when they come to my house they die.

If you were driving down the street and you saw Luke and Andrew on the sidewalk, what would you yell at them as you drove past?
Hi Boys!! What you do is so important!!

Can other Tens find you on social media?
LauraGrace Linsky on Facebook◡̈  

Hey, it’s Andrew here again. Just a reminder that you can find ourTen of the Week form here! If you’ve never been a TOTW before  (or if it’s been a really, really long time) fill out our little questionnaire. And check out ourTen of the Week archive here!

This Week On TBTL

#4274 Cat Calls And Dog Whistling
Monday, August 19
Luke and Andrew share some of the many pet songs that listeners sang into the TBTL voicemail line recently, and -- in true TBTL fashion -- they spend most of the time debating what to call this new segment.  

#4275 Here and Jao
Tuesday, August 20
Luke and Andrew look back at their calendars and  trade notes about what they were doing right before the pandemic shut the world down. (They don’t know why they’re talking about this, but they are.) More importantly, they also hear pet songs from TBTL listeners! 

#4276 Caught in a Feetback Loop
Wednesday, August 21
Luke and Andrew discuss the American south, cummerbunds, and why Luke realizes he’s a “West Coast guy.” But most importantly, they listen to more of your amazing pet songs as the best competition of 2024 continues! (Sorry, Olympics. You get the silver.) 

#4277 Doggie Butt For Sale, Never Used
Thursday, August 22
Andrew realizes he made a mistake regarding the TBTL Pet Sounds contest that only Steve Harvey could relate to. But mistakes aside, the latest batch of listener-submitted animal songs are SO GOOD. 

#4278 Music For Your Beak End
Friday, August 23
After a fun-filled week hearing listeners sing their pet-related songs on the TBTL listener line, Luke and Andrew are ready to crown a winner or two, after listening to a few more fabulous entries.