Is it popcorn, or is it peanut butter?  Popcorn? Or peanut butter? Or is it something else entirely…something much, much worse? 

Hello, by the way, and welcome to the latest installment of the Too Beautiful To Live newsletter. My name is Andrew, and I hope this email finds you well.

At some point this week (I don’t remember which day, exactly, so you’ll have to listen to all the episodes to find out), I asked Luke what his least-favorite Jelly Belly flavor is. I assumed his answer would be “popcorn”, because in my experience, that’s most people’s answer to that question -- myself included. And I love popcorn! Just not as a candy flavor. 

Well, Luke really pressed my flabbergast button when he replied quickly and confidently: “Peanut butter. Hands down.” 

PEANUT BUTTER! That’s a great answer. I totally forgot that was even a flavor! 

As it turns out, I had good reason to forget, because I’ve since learned that Jelly Belly retired its peanut butter flavor after an allergy-related recall in 2009. All their facilities are now, apparently, peanut free. Good for them. 

But back to my point: Now that peanut butter is off the table, does that leave popcorn as the worst Jelly Belly flavor by default? 

No, it does not! And I’m as surprised as you are to report this. 

Turns out, Jelly Belly makes many, many more flavors that I realized. After a trip to their website (which includes this absolutely bonkers photo of two lovers sharing Jelly Bellies in the park) and a trip to my local candy counter, I now have a more universal understanding to the Jelly Belly universe, and I’m able to present to you, without further ado: 

The Top Twenty Worst Jelly Belly Flavors Currently Available: 

20. Buttered Popcorn

19. Burnt Broccoli 

18. Steamed Salmon

17. Fresh Durian

16. Mostly-Dead Muskrat

15. Escalator Handrail 

14. Tauntaun (Outside)

13. Tauntaun (Inside) 

12. Used Mustard

11, Cyclosporiasis

10. Hulk Hogan’s Yoga Mat

9. Adam Duritz’s Birkenstock

8. Bleu Cheese

7. E-Line Surprise 

6. Hoarder House Carpet

5. Fear

4. Unspecified Gland

3. Dog Park Garbage Bin On A Hot Summer Day

2. Odyssey Discourse 

1. Asparagus  

Somehow, “Odyssey Discourse” is also on my list of Top Twenty Best Jelly Belly Flavors, but we’ll save that one for another day.

Before I go, I want to point out that I heard from at least one listener who says that popcorn is their very favorite Jelly Belly flavor. I mean no disrespect to that person nor to those of you who share that opinion. As we like to say (and sometimes sing) on TBTL, “We can like different things, and that’s okay.” So eat what you like and don’t let me harsh your buzz. (Unless “hoarder house carpet” is your favorite flavor. In that case, we should probably talk.) 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with candy and sunshine. Luke and I will talk to you on Monday! 

-- Andrew

Bingo loves boxes, so Genevieve got him a nice one.

#4779 Lounging Towards Gomorrah
Monday, July 27
Luke finds himself at the losing end of a John Oliver joke on Last Week Tonight and feels the need to defend himself. Plus, Andrew feels a bit vindicated regarding one of his Movie Theater Hot Takes after his experience watching The Odyssey this weekend. 

#4780 Family Time / Funky  Bunch Time
Tuesday, July 28
A movie shoot involving Emma Stone at Citi Field forced baseball players to change their uniforms, which somehow prompts Luke and Andrew to closely examine Mark Wahlberg’s (alleged) daily schedule, which involves long breaks for snacking and very short breaks for golf. Plus, a story about a “beloved pizza chain” in an actual newspaper has “bunk journalism” written all over it. 

#4781 Bronze Age? More Like LeBron’s Age! 
Wednesday, July 29
Luke and Andrew visit an arcade supply store website and put together a wish list that includes pop-a-shot basketballs, mini footballs, and something called “Pop It For Gold Extreme.” They also celebrate the Mariners’ very unlikely win over the Dodgers yesterday, and they hear from Tens of listeners who are joining the Odyssey Discourse. 

#4782 Grand Theft Memory
Thursday, July 30
Andrew is obsessed with the fact that a law enforcement conference is at the heart of the biggest news story in Seattle this morning, for obvious reasons. He and Luke also sing as much of the Diane Warren song catalog as they can remember. And they discuss the bizarre update on a 7-year old story involving eBay targeting a couple of independent journalists with macabre deliveries.

#4783 Jimothee, Tanathee, Laudrathee
Friday, July 31
Luke “opened the doors of perception” last night just long enough to appreciate the brilliance of the Roku screen saver. Meanwhile, Andrew made a phone call that might have gotten someone in really big trouble, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. They also discuss the Internet’s obsession with some “canoodling lawyers” and Tim Robbin’s unfortunate appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast.

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You can check out prior Tens of the Week in our archives.